I've spent the last two years in prison relaying stories to a blogger about my crimes, arrests, and life in four Florida prisons, the Pinellas County Jail, juvenile detention and drug rehab. I'm sending a message to others not to make the same mistakes I did.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Black sheep?

I have an aunt up north. If you ever met her, she would seem like a really nice person and she probably believes that she is. She keeps telling my mom and the rest of her family all these stories about how all my other cousins are doing so well and how they’ve accomplished so much. Well that’s all great, but she refuses to mention me and how I’m trying to help others in my same position.

I really never thought anything of it until recently when my mom talked to relatives she hasn’t seen in awhile. As it turns out, my aunt won’t talk about me because I'm a family embarrassment and she thinks my mom is glorifying me. Maybe in a sense she is, but why not? If I can use my past to better my future and also help others as well, what’s wrong with that? I know the things I’ve done are wrong, but when did I ever brag about my past? When has my mom every glorified the things I’ve done? She only glorifies the things I’m doing to better myself. I think that people who have been where I’ve been are in the best position to help those that need it the most.

If somebody sees any problem with that, please tell me. I suppose it's impossible not to step on some toes at times, especially people who have never met me. It just makes me sad when a relative doesn't support me. It shows me how lucky I am to have the support of those close to me and who haven't given up on me.

Really she can try to ignore me all she wants, but it doesn’t change a thing.
Posted by Teen In Jail at 12:24 AM
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4 comments:

  1. Maybe when you've done a few circuits of talks in schools your Aunt will start to see that you're genuinely wanting to make a stand and work for a change in society; and that your Mum is right to be supporting you in this.

    I've heard it said that sometimes the debt to society behind bars is the easier one to repay. My very best wishes to you ... please have all the strength you need to keep going and make a real difference in this world for the children who would otherwise follow.

    It will take guts to stand in front of children, show the gang tattoo and hammer it home that it isn't cool; effectively having to paint yourself as an outcast in order to sound a real serious warning. That kind of guts should be worthy of your Aunt's respect.

    There is a gang in London that doesn't think you've earned your spurs until you've spent some time in jail ... that kind of attitude needs to be stopped and it is someone like you that kids like these might listen to.

    The old thing about the parents telling their kids not to put their hand in the fire; makes them want to do it anyway. Well, you've come back from that fire and can tell them that it hurts; you've got a unique standpoint from which to tell them.

    Good luck.
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  2. I've followed your blog since its inception and have had some pleasant and informative email exchanges w/your mother. I have great respect for your mother for trying to make something positive out of your situation.

    Take care,
    Mark
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  3. Hi Ted,
    I am currently reading your letters and the advice I am going to give you is this one. You really need to read this book. It's content is very valuable. Can you please find out if I can mail it to you. The book really does explain each agreement; here is a summary of the agreements.

    The author is Don Miguel Ruiz
    and the book is called The Four Agreements
    A Toltec Wisdom Book

    1. Be Impeccable With Your Word
    Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

    2. Don't Take Anything Personally
    Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.

    3. Don't Make Assumptions
    Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

    4. Always Do Your Best
    Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.

    I really do recommend this book. Please let me know.
    Best wishes,
    Ellie
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  4. Ellie, yes books can be sent to the prison, but they must be from a book dealer from Amazon.com and can't be hardcover books, only paperbacks or softcovers. I usually go on Amazon and click on Used copies of a book and find a seller that has "book" in its name, like Atlanta Book Company. That book sounds interesting and I'd like to read it too.
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